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June 30, 2002

six flags + jen's party

:D (... too exhausted to write, but i had lots of fun!)


June 28, 2002


sometimes i have this feeling that's just impossible to describe... like right now... it's like a sudden realization of my physical existence... like seeing myself for the first time from the outside as a separate entity...

i remember i've had these moments since i was a very small child... maybe since i was 5 or 6 years old... i would be playing or doing something and then suddenly it came and i would just look at my hands or my face in the mirror with new interest and awe, and thought to myself, "wow, look... this is what i occupy... this is how it looks like..." and started examining myself as if i'd just seen it for the first time... and then i would start wondering, "why am i being put in this form? what would it feel like if i wasn't in this body and was given another one? what was the reason that i was created as me, and not as an ant or a fish or the neighbor's kid?"

...it occured much more often when i was a kid, though... now it's only about once every few months or so... maybe it's a self-discovery phase amongst children that i somehow never quite get over with...

i wonder if anybody ever feel like this before? or am i just being crazy?

dini's bday @ 33

fun! :)

kinda weird that the whole downstairs area was filled with 90% indonesians... it almost felt like i was in a club in jakarta or something... there must be at least 40 indo kids and maybe only about 5 americans in the room...

June 27, 2002


i was completely bored out of my mind at work, and was having this email conversations about robot animes in the early 80s with my friend d... and got to talking about Voltus V (my favorite!!!)... at first we were wondering if Voltus V = Voltron, but then at the end we found out that they had nothing to do with each other (Voltron was made out of dog robots while Voltus consisted of 5 robot ships piloted by 4 guys and a girl)... anyway, at the end of the emails, i was still really bored, so i decided to call my cousin, and he told me this really weird story...

about an hour ago on his way to class, he stopped to buy cigarettes at the little store near his place. as he was paying at the register, he heard some loud noises outside.. it was a busted cocaine transaction.

when he stepped out of the store, completely oblivious of what was going on, he saw the police by his car... it turned out that he had left the sunroof wide open, and apparently the dealer, trying to escape the police, had thrown in a bag of cocaine through his sunroof!!!

i almost died laughing on the phone when i heard it... that's gotta be the most random, bizarre story i've ever heard happening to someone i know!

June 26, 2002

being categorized

i find it rather creepy that you could categorize people and predict their behaviors and emotional tendencies so precisely... could even determine their astrological sign by matching it to their personality type!

how is it possible that i match perfectly with everything they said? in such details, too!

i'm a hedonist who have a warm and pleasant temperament and like yellow and orange... but on bad days, i tend to show slight cyclothymic and borderline tendencies... i would most likely be an otter if i become a small animal... people like me are supposedly "highly responsive, excitable, enthusiastic about sensation and experience... Practical, productive, usually prolific, cross-fertilizing areas of interest. At their best: Assimilate experiences in depth, making them deeply grateful and appreciative for what they have."

but on average, "as restlessness increases, want to have more options and choices available to them... Unable to discriminate what they really need, become hyperactive, unable to say "no" to themselves, throwing self into constant activity. Uninhibited, doing and saying whatever comes to mind: storytelling, flamboyant exaggerations, witty wise-cracking, performing. Fear being bored: in perpetual motion, but do too many things—many ideas but little follow through...."

here's where it gets a bit strange... since when was science in tune with astrology? how did they come into the pretty accurate (in my case at least) conclusion that mercurial = type seven = gemini?

June 25, 2002

so i'm feeling a little emotional today...

i found this letter at sothere, and almost actually cried because it's so beautiful and heart-breaking... sniff...

days of being wild

just finished watching days of being wild... evi gave me the dvd for my birthday... i'm pretty sure i had watched parts of it before, but obviously i hadn't been too impressed then, because i forgot i'd seen it... i wonder why, because it's such a great movie... i even like it a bit better than fallen angels...

i'm beginning to see a pattern of wong kar-wai's films... there's always this unfulfilled-dream theme in different variations... how people are always betrayed by their own expectations... and how everything always happened by chance... not that it's a bad thing or anything... just wondering if i'd ever get bored with his movies after a few more years...

June 23, 2002

the party

me & liz blowing the candles...


apart from the rain, the party was successful... lots of people and lots of booze... many of my friends came, too... a pretty good mix overall... and we hungout at the roofdeck despite of the drizzle... i didn't drink too much last night (surprise, surprise!) so no hangover this morning except for just a little headache...

here's a more detailed look of our cake, by the way... it was baked by lynn, liz's roommate...


anyway, we were talking last night of going to six flags or vermont this coming saturday... should be fun.. :) but then there's also jen's party on saturday... hmmm... wouldn't wanna miss that either... decisions decisions...

June 19, 2002

regarding mummies...

went to the mfa (finally!) after work with mina + jimmy...

we spent the whole 3 hours looking at the most amazing collection of nubian and egyptian (and some greek) funerary stuff.... mummies, huge stone + wood sarcophaguses, tombstones and urns... it's just so awesome!!!! a couple of them dated back to 6000 BC!!!! and there was this little room which walls are reconstructed from real wall pieces from the tombs with hieroglyphs...

there's also this really cool exhibit of small tubular stamps with awesome carvings and intricate details from greece...
and then there's a display of the urn of an etruscan woman, with her jewelry and mirrors and comb and her other favorite things found inside the urn with her ashes... looking at those things were kinda creepy and beautiful at the same time... i imagined her wearing those jewelries and looking in her mirror while combing her hair... little things that she probably took for granted when she was alive, and now in display to represent her life to strangers thousands of years after she died.... isn't that completely weird???? i don't think i would want my stuff to be looked at 2500 years from now....

June 17, 2002


just realized that i've been going out drinking every night since wednesday... it was a lot of fun, but i think i might be getting old, cuz now i feel really really tired and almost can't feel excited about liz's party on saturday... i'm still sore from all that jumping around at paul van dyk's show on thursday...

June 15, 2002

part 2

just got this email (excerpt attached below) from a friend that sent me back into re-thinking the concept of 'home'... from what i understood, for him home does not necessarily equate friends and loved ones, cuz they, too, changed with time. and i whole-heartedly agree with that. people and things that we grew up with are no longer the same when we come back to them, and neither are we. people like us, who spent a large part of our lives away from home, eventually lost the meaning of home completely. we assimilate half way, like mutants. we don't belong either here or there. we're strangers wherever we go, even when we go home to the place where we claim to have our roots. all roads are going forward to the unknown, can't make a u-turn and go back.

he further claimed that the sense of home goes much deeper than just relationships with people. when you dig deep in your soul, this big gaping hole that is the source of all your thirst is just a need to connect with your Creator. i really want to believe that it's true. however, i'm probably just too shallow or too selfish (or a combination of both), to have a conviction in that thought. i often take God for granted when my life is running smoothly... i don't even bother to say my night-time prayer anymore, when i should be saying grace for all the abundance of blessings i've been given... i only come when i have problems, when i need help and comfort... very selfish, very human... nothing to be proud of... a lot of times i don't even bother to make an effort! i wish i could go back ten years and be once again the girl who had so much faith and trust in both God and people.

---------- excerpt from email ----------

"...don't know why, in the middle of tonight i thought of you. it's my time to reflect. you know what i sense of me? i get tired as i get older. that tireness is what makes me want a place for the soul to rest. i call this a home.

do fame and fortune make up a good home? not for me. they form a home without a base. metaphorically, storm, blizzard and rain will gradually tear it down. do social safety net of friends and loved ones form the real home? may be. but still they too are temporal. they come and go. a lot of reasons why such is the case.

it turns out home is not only hard to define, moreover it's not easy to find. even the home where we once lived and were raised could not sustain the home we long for. this is exactly why, in my case, i turn to faith. i am no longer dealing with a need that comes from the flesh, but a need that comes from the core of my being. i call it the soul, a term that we have so taken for granted without knowing what it really is. i don't think anybody knows what it is. St. Augustine said the soul can not rest until it finally acknowledges the One who creates it and lay all its burden on Him. the scripture says -forgive for my imprecise cut of the scripture- come to Me all you who are weary and burdened for I will give you rest. i suspect the Designer knew the design more than the design knows itself. so He knew infinitely what it means to be a human, what a human suffer from and finally the real remedy for our suffering.

again, desi, belief came and overwhelm me, for this belief is neither superstitious, pretentious, judgemental, nor positive thinking. as unsuccessful as i may be, i was trying to show that our deeper needs beyond flesh are timelessly captured in even the very simple teachings that the Book contained. even if i live thousands of years, with increasing knowledge and experience, i could never fully realize the power it has, and how it can transcend life to a meaningful one..."

June 14, 2002


i got the apartment!!! yay!!! :D

paul van dyk

...was just AWESOME!!!!

June 13, 2002

internet in indonesia

david sent this link from google about internet in indonesia. great information!!!

June 12, 2002

what a nice birthday :)

the most wonderful day i've had since so long... everybody's just so nice... i'm quite surprised at the number of people who actually remembered my birthday! i spent the entire morning getting calls and reading emails and e-cards from people... :D

and guess what! i suddenly got this email from giri, my dearest buddy giri, who had never emailed me since he went home 2 years ago!!! that email totally made my day :)

anyway, the ladies from work treated me to a nice long lunch at penang, which was a lot of fun... followed by starbucks afterwards... and then legal seafood for dinner, a bottle of nice white wine and the heavenly tiramisu from finale as dessert.... yummmm.... i'm so full now... sometimes i marvel at my stomach's capacity...

i think all that food should be enough sustenance to last me until friday...

wish list

i'm writing this NOT because i'm hoping people would see the list and get me presents... it's a personal thing... i just feel entitled and obligated to make wishes, since it is my birthday... and that's what people do on birthdays, right? just wanna see if any of them will come true... if not on my birthday, then some other day in the future... after all, i do need goals and things to look forward to in my life...

well, here goes...

what i want for my birthday:

a nikon digital camera

an iPod

game boy advanced w/ both zelda: oracle of seasons and oracle of ages
(i've been wanting these since last year! poor me...)

ghost world soundtrack

illuminati board game

a sunny spacious apartment a block away from work with large bay windows and large closets, with beautiful hardwood floors...

what i want in life in general:
(things that will make me live happily ever after)

peace and happiness and good health for mom and dad

a one-hour full-body massage at least once a week

a boyfriend who's consistently nice but never annoying

a mini cooper

be able to actually beat majora's mask and legacy of kain without any help from people with more nimble fingers and a stronger will

be a genius designer that's a hybrid of john maeda and todd purgason...

...so that i can:

live in a nice cozy house close to both the water and the hilly greeneries... preferably somewhere in ubud, bali, and work for a cool media company that produce ground-breaking, insanely creative, interactive educational stuff for children (maybe something like willing-to-try.com) so in the end i can gain enough knowledge from them to eventually have my own company...

so that i, too, can do my share of promoting education for indonesian children, encouraging them from the early age to be active learners, who want to explore, discover, and think for themselves...

and in the end:

i want to make more money so i can travel to wherever i want for as long as i want... like take a vacation to europe for 6 months (esp. to rome, copenhagen and anywhere in switzerland and belgium!) and cruise to tahiti for another 6 months afterwards... :P

June 11, 2002

new hobby?

ok, believe it or not, i just found out that i draw from live model better than i do still life... is it because human is much more interesting than, say, bottles, or is it the pressure of only having a maximum of 5 minute to capture the object?

anyway, i really enjoyed it in class today... i wish i didn't have to stop... when i was back in my apartment, all i wanted to do was go back to my short sketches and draw some more... which i did for another hour, until i was too hungry to even hold a pencil...

hmmm... maybe i'll take another drawing class...

June 10, 2002

productive me

i was very strangely productive today, thanks to my unusually stimulating weekend!

i finished all my tasks at work before noon (never happened before!!!), and then felt the immediate urge to do a page for our new movie club (wendy had suggested it on saturday)... 4 hours and a few minutes later.... ta-da! the page is done!!! design-wise it's pretty basic, but i managed to put 2 polls on that little page so people can vote what movie they want to see next, and can comment on how they liked/disliked the previous one... i'll say it's pretty impressive for a lazy procrastinator like me! ;P


it's been a fun, busy weekend... new places, new people, new things and new activities.... just my kind of weekend :)

i feel almost refreshed enough to be excited about going to work again tomorrow... :P

went to the water fire festival in providence on friday, bay village bazaar, gay pride party at the boston common, photo session at the post office square downtown, and the first movie club meeting that ended with general mayhem + drunkenness afterwards on saturday, and finally insomnia on sunday....

June 05, 2002

nielsen + flash???


found this article on flash kit.

is this the end of flash as we know it? will we only be able to create flash versions of useit.com after this? to think that anybody would buy the notion that every web page should look the same and have every piece of navigation in the same place in the same color, regardless of the target audience and the purpose of the site... s t u p i d!!!

June 04, 2002

featured links of the day

here's one...
can't believe i got sucked into these things... but it's kinda fun if you're bored like me... take this test from similar mind and see how compatible you are with me!

and another one...
if you have something to say that you want to let out but never did, here's your chance...


...he offered to go to sonsie, so we went there... had a nice glass of white wine and salmon ravioli... obviously much better than what we'd otherwise have at trident... had some nice conversations... he's really nice and polite... not pushy at all... he even brought me a little gift, an armenian music cd... hmmm... i might even want to go out with him again... he was asking a few times actually, but i didn't give any definite answer... we'll see, i guess... i was quite surprised that tonight didn't turn out too bad...

June 03, 2002

imagine yourself in lego


they didn't have a short-haired girl option for the head... so i chose this princess-leia style hair instead... i tried using the boys' hair but then my character looked like a cross-dresser... oh well... but i think it's close enough... try it, it's a lot of fun! :)


"Life is a roller coaster for those with the Mercurial personality style --- and they'll insist that you come along for the ride. From the peaks to the valleys, intensity imbues their every breath. Mercurial women and men yearn for experience... No other style is so ardent in its desire to connect with life and with other people" (Oldham & Morris p.293).

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a typical Mercurial or if I sometimes slide into Borderline...


went to see another apartment on beacon street on friday evening... it's really nice, nicer than the last one, but i don't want to get too excited about it so as not to jinx it like i did the other place...

i'll write more about the apartment only after i know for 100% sure that it's gonna be mine!

June 02, 2002

nice day

this is what i would call a perfect relaxing saturday...

woke up at 11:30 this morning... had 2 cups of coffee while chatting on msn and listening to gusgus... took a short nap for about half an hour before finally taking a shower...

had a late lunch at legal seafood and had this humongous plate of calamari... tried to go to aqua afterwards but it wasn't open yet, so we waited at this cute little garden at the post office square... it's so pretty! i wish i had brought my camera...

stayed at aqua for a couple hours, then echi called... she drove up to boston from new york with her parents and a friend... so i went to eat (again!) dinner with them at the king fish at quincy market... had this really good coconut mahi-mahi... yummmm.... could barely breathe afterwards... i thought i was gonna explode... can't believe how much i ate today!!!

must not eat anything tomorrow.

June 01, 2002


it's funny how the smallest, most trivial incident can trigger such a strong wave of memory and the emotions associated with it... years that passed suddenly reduced to only yesterday... and i wonder if it is at all possible to completely erase parts of your past you'd rather forget... not because they're bad experiences, but just because they've passed and you can't have them anymore... like people, for example... like fp... somehow it still makes me really sad thinking about him... even after all these years... how do you stop loving someone that you've loved for so long, just because they're not in your life anymore? i don't believe love can expire, do you? or is it just my brain playing tricks on me?