« November 2002 | Main | January 2003 »

December 28, 2002

to be completely naked

"'...to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than what you really mean; that's the whole art and joy of words.'

A glib saying. When the time comes to you at which you will be forced at last to utter the speech which has lain at the center of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot-like, been saying over and over, you'll not talk about joy of words. I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?"
-from Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis

often times, reality is far from appealing. it can be frightening, boring, not to mention a total waste of time. reality doesn't sell unless you put it into some sensational embellished packaging with a pretty face of some tragic teen criminal on the front cover. superficiality reigns over everything since forever, seeping even into our personal mode of daily behavior, often without our consent. i should know; it is in my job description to assign illusory meanings to otherwise meaningless things and beautify dull facts with bells & whistles 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.

and so in all these dazzling superficialities, what c.s. lewis said strucked me right to the core. what would happen if i stripped it all, what would i have left? exactly how much of my own nakedness can i really see? what mirror do i see it with?

mr. lewis offered this answer:

""I ended my first book with the word 'no answer.' I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice? Only words, words; to be led out to battle against other words."

i'm still trying to digest, but i guess to me, being aware of the answer means to begin the long process of seeing myself with a clearer mirror.

December 27, 2002

white christmas


i just got back from new york about an hour ago... tired and in desperate need of a good 10-hour sleep... but this is definitely one of the most fun xmas i've ever had!

i thought christmas would just be another gray cold windy day, but then suddenly in the afternoon came the snow showers... didn't think new york could look so pretty... esp. today in central park. it looked like it just came out of a xmas postcard. check it out here :)

went for a fancy dinner on xmas eve at brasserie 8 1/2, which was not really worth it, to be completely honest... i mean, sure, the ambiance and the place itself was cool, but for the price, the food was kinda disappointingly so-so... not to mention that the portions were tiiiiny... afterwards, we went to china club cuz it was the only club open that we could find that night. it was ok, stayed there until around 3:30 and then we got some really delicious kebab with yellow rice that was sold on the street right across our hotel. almost felt like i was back in indonesia, where you could just go find street food after clubbing no matter how late it is (or how early in the morning).

on xmas day, since the snowstorm really didn't make it possible to walk around, we decided to go watch gangs of new york. it was kinda ironic to watch it on xmas, cuz the movie is so brutal and bloody... afterwards we had some yummy korean tofu and then off to to cafe wha? in east village. oh, i loooove this place! one of the singer in the band had a voice just like lionel richie, and he sang "blackbird" just with the guitar in the background... hmmm... really nice.... and i think i got a crush on the other guitar player... his voice was like the pearl jam singer, and he had a really cute boyish smile. :P

next day we went to cafe lalo for coffee and dessert... there were a couple playing some mellow songs on guitar and violin... the place was very crowded, though... i guess nobody wanted to stay home that day cuz it was so sunny out.

i must've gained at least (!) 5 pounds from this trip. can't believe how much i ate... it seems like that was all we did in new york going from one eating place to another... we went to borobudur, the indo restaurant, for batagor twice! maybe it is a good thing i didn't live in new york, otherwise i might end up weighing 200 pounds!

December 20, 2002

vacation - day 1

today is my first day off. i'm so psyched that i don't have to go to work today, and tomorrow and the next day and the day after... all the way until the 1st! it's 14 days altogether... :D

i pretty much slept through most of the day today... woke up around noon, and then watched samurai x - the motion picture (i still don't understand why there are so many varieties of kenshin - here he has red hair).

went to do my last round of xmas shopping, did grocery, and then went to sonsie to celebrate charles' last day of school. it seems like a happy day for everybody... it's also gary's and dimas' first day of vacation from school today. anyway, never realized before that the pizza at sonsie are delicious!!!

we're gonna go see two towers tomorrow. oh i can't wait!!! two towers is my favorite compared to the other two. it's the one with most battle scenes! :P

December 18, 2002

murals in jogja

from godote: murals in jogja

awesome stuff!!!

December 14, 2002


finally went to see baraka on the big screen. omg, it is SO beautiful i was almost in tears watching it! even though i've watched it so many times before on tape, it's a completely different experience to watch it on the big screen. like the scenes where the movements of clouds look like gigantic waves of water... there is no way i can replicate the experience on my small 19" tv screen...