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August 22, 2003


the gre is less than 5 weeks away, and i'm not even a third way through the book yet. should i stay home this weekend and study instead? oh misery... maybe i should just take this.

spaced out

after work, i was supposed to be doing my portfolio, which has changed dramatically yet once again since the previous version 4 days ago (oh, why can't i commit to finishing at least one version??!).

well, here's a stupid thing i did.

i was so excited about the possibility of getting an idea for the (hopefully) final version of my portfolio, and yet i completely forgot to ftp the files to my server so i could access them from home. of course, this only hit me after i got home and opened up my laptop and realized that there would be no files to work on because i didn't upload anything before i left my cube. aaargggggghhhhh! so annoying!

*deep breath* oh well... at least i was somewhat productive tonight... i did dishes, tried a few different ways in flash for the navigation to work (i think i found one that might work with my current layout), and then called mom. i missed her! i hope i can go to see her in december... *crossing fingers*

anyway, i've decided that i'm gonna blame my spacey-ness to the unusually large amount of vending-machine food i consumed today. after a mini-lunch of some very yummy creme-filled doughnuts from davio's, i was still very much in a munching-mode. so i had a bag of snicker-doodle, a pack of cheese crackers, and a bag of veggie crisps in less than 1.5 hours! all, of course, are in mini, vending sized packages. still, it can't be good for your health, no? based on my amnesiac experience above, eating too much vending snacks may very well cause temporary short-term memory and greatly reduce your concentration ability. so, better self-control next time!

bonus link: check out gig's entry for bubu awards! way cool!

August 20, 2003

happy belated birthday, indonesia!

no, i didn't forget that the indonesian independence day was aug 17th. i just didn't get the chance to blog about it until now. permias held a celebration on sunday, which consisted of a flag ceremony, games and, of course, plenty of food. i mainly hang out at the indonesian-food table (oh, they're so yummy!!), and didn't even touch the barbeque stuff. :P

the little kids were SO cute!! they were all so determined in playing the games. heheh... they were between the age of 3-8, i think. i wish i had brought my camera... well, i take that back. i just didn't really wanna bring my heavy camera. i wish i had a digital one that's much more convenient.

anyway, happy birthday once again, indonesia! may you have the strength to heal and to keep on going and growing for years and years and years to come! love ya!

August 16, 2003

what i want my words to do to you

"can a person's life have meaning again once she has done something truly horrible?"

go see this movie if you can. what i want my words to do to you is a documentary about a writing workshop led by eve ensler (the playwright of the vagina monologues) at the bedford hills correctional facility for women, a maximum security prison in new york. most of these inmates are serving a life sentence for first and second degree murders. in the workshop, they're challenged to address questions about their past and present lives, the atonements for their crimes, and hopes (if any) for their futures.

this collection of writing was then performed by a group of actresses (glenn close, rosie perez, marisa tomei, mary alice & hazelle goodman) in front of the whole facility.

it's honest. it's powerful. and yes, it's depressing, but uplifting and enlightening at the same time. i don't even know how to properly describe it. words can't do it justice; you just have to see it for yourself. it's already out on a few select theaters and will continue to play until the end of this month. if it's not currently playing at a theater near you, you can still watch it for free on the pbs station on dec 16.

in the mean time, you can see a clip of the movie here.

August 14, 2003

a better day

well, seems like the week is ending pretty well, afterall... definitely an improvement compared to the past few days. first of all, all the bosses at work are gone until the end of next week due to a company-wide sales meeting. second of all, there was a free (yes, free!) concert of ziggy marley at the copley square today. it started at 5:30pm and was only about 4 blocks from the office. oh yeah baby!! there's nothing like some outdoor reggae fun in a summer evening to get you on the groove! and... it gets even better. i finally found someone to go with me to see the bjork concert! yay! :D

but not everyone is as lucky as me today, though. about 50 million americans in the northeast have to suffer from the massive blackout since early this evening. some areas of massachusetts are affected, but luckily boston has an entirely separate power grid, so the outage doesn't affect us at all. it must really suck for the new yorkers though. i hope everyone who was stranded inside elevators and subways is ok... :(

hmmm... i still can't picture times square without all those lights from the boards... must be an interesting sight.

anyway, on a better note: motioncutebook3: merahputih is out, just in time to celebrate the indonesian independence day! very nice stuff!! :)

August 13, 2003


these past few days i've been feeling very restless... part of it is my anxiety about taking the GRE at the end of next month (i've just started to really study last friday. damn this laziness!), finishing my scholarship application essay, and concentrating on the never-ending project of redesigning my portfolio for the 9,000th time.

another reason why i've been feeling so weird is, i think, the passing away of my last surviving grandmother. she died in peace on monday at 2pm, in her afternoon nap at her home in tomohon, north sulawesi. she was 93 years old.

when i first heard the news, i was quite shocked, of course, but there was no sadness. i had not seen my grandma since 1997. we only talked on the phone once or twice afterwards, without really communicating, since she had begun to lose her memories then. so that morning, i went to work as usual and went about my daily business just like i would in any other monday without really thinking about her.

after work, i went home, had dinner, and was just reading my emails, when suddenly, without any apparent reason, i just started sobbing and couldn't stop for about an hour. i'm not sure what that was... it wasn't something i can really put into words and explain properly...

did my grandmother truly have a happy life during those 93 years? did she get all the things she ever wished for in life? did she get to do everything she wanted to do? what was it like for her to grow old? did she feel that her purpose in life has been achieved and did she think her life indeed has a meaning, after 93 years? how long did 93 years feel like? did it feel like it drag forever, or did she wake up one morning and find that ninety years had suddenly passed without waiting for her?

i know she's probably happier now, waving at all her grandchildren from the heavens above. but deep inside, part of me would still be missing her, and the other part would still be wondering what it would be like to reach such an old age and realize there's not much time left.

infact, even now, we have no idea when we're gonna die. if i die today, can i truthfully say that my life has a meaning? that i've done my shares making someone's life a little bit better?

August 07, 2003


don't you just hate it if you have to clean up other people's stinking ugly mess? it would be so much easier if you could just start over from scratch, but nooo... "see what you can do with the existing one!" damn it! *$#@%!!!*

August 05, 2003


this morning when i opened my email at work, i found an email from my ex-coworker saying how she'd heard about the jakarta bombing and how sorry she was to hear it, and hoped that my family was ok.

horrified, i opened my browser and went to cnn.com, and there it was on the main headline: "Jakarta Hotel Bombing Kills 10." so far, 14 people have been announced dead, while around 150 are injured. two of the bodies are almost unidentifiable because of the horrible burns. they were security guards at the hotel. one of them had 4 children. [read the indonesian version here and here]

WHAT exactly are these terrorists trying to achieve??? nothing, and i say absolutely nothing justifies this tremendously sick, imbecilic act. maybe these maniacs didn't even have any single fuckin reason in their non-existent brains other than a crazy obsession to blast people to death every other months for a hobby!

update: from msnbc

August 02, 2003

saturday nite

...and i'm feeling particularly anti-social tonight. just want to be alone for a while. not sure why, maybe because of the weather. it's been raining for 3 days now, and the temperature's dropped into the low 60s. can't believe we only had 1.5 months of summer... x(

anyway, it's such a perfect weather for staying home, and yet i'm practically bouncing off the wall because i've had 3 large glasses of coffee in the past 6 hours. so what better way to spend my caffeine-fueled energy than to design yet another splash page for my site?